Everybody Dies On Spawn Island
by Astraea Eos
Summary: The battle bus never showed up. But the storm still closed in. Basically a crazy montage of random moments of Fortnite!
1. Where is the Battle Bus?

"Awright ladies and gents. Good luck out there," Captain Daevin called. He saluted the ninety three players exiting the ship that ferried them from the Outside to the Spawn island of the Fortnite arena. "Tomato be with you," he yelled as he sailed away.

"Thank you, ship captain!" Everyone yelled as they headed to the grass, armed with colorful pickaxes and big hopeful smiles. They disembarked and spread out amongst the in game lobby; pickaxeing building resources, competing in dance battles, and playing with the weapons lying around and they waited.

 **And waited.**

 ** _And waited._**

At first, no one minded. They enjoyed the extra few minutes to practice destroying wood pyramids and each other. A group of default skins competed on who could default dance for the longest without stopping. Some players played hide and seek tag and even had enough time for a final lightning round. But as seconds dragged on, more and more eyes turned toward the sky. There was no familiar sign of the dented blue painted schoolbus that would fly them over to battle island, nor the honk of it's infamous horn. Chatter turned incessant and impatient. Voices rose. A fight broke out between a Drift and an Omega skin as a default cowered in a bush.

The evening cerulean sky, just minutes ago a clean afternoon blue was rimmed with wavering purple clouds. Storm clouds. The warm breeze strengthened into a cold blast as the clouds crystallized farther in. Dark was falling rapidly and a silver bright moon rose in the east, throwing harried shadows on the worried players' faces.

An old John Wick, an esteemed skin known for his lightning fast building, scaled up a tree and peered around the island. Spotting nothing out of ordinary, he looked over battle island and spotted drop packages beginning to begin their descent. White hot cracks shattered across the sky as the purple clouds closed in. He shook his head with a frown and scaled back down to share the news to a frightened looking Zoey clinging to her lollipop pickaxe.

Anger was replaced with fear and confusion as the players debated on what would happen to them. Would spawn island be consumed by the storm or spared? How long would they be stuck here? Was communication to the Outside possible?

They tried everything. All the structures and trees were cut down, the ground pounded at unsuccessfully. A distant blow of a horn sounded and the players turned towards it hopefully. However, it was just a Calamity doing the horn emote. She cackled as she saw the hopeful-turned-disappointed faces.

A DJ Yonder pulled out a gray assault rifle and reloaded it. Climbing onto an overturned car with a grunt, he aimed at the cowering default girl and fired. She stumbled back but lost no health. The players murmured amongst themselves. On top of the inability to somehow voyage to battle island, they couldn't kill each other.. what could they do except sit in wait of their deaths?

Several more minutes ticked by, and the cold wind became stronger and more frequent, not to mention louder. A dead silence fell over the players as they realized their fate. They waited as the silent air, peppered with the occasional twitter of birds developed a low hum. The ominous hum increased in volume as a translucent blue wave closed in swiftly on them. The distant blasts of wind and crackling electricity echoed inside the wave stirred a final wave of panic in the players' stomachs. The Zoey skin was as white as marshmallow as she stared at the incoming destructor, but she was no longer frightened. Staring it down with remorseless blank eyes, she reverently knelt, facing the storm. She closed her eyes and looked down, awaiting the storm to overtake her body. Others followed her lead, silently kneeling without protest.

The John Wick that had scaled the tree shouted for her and dashed to grab her, but the remaining held him back. Gradually he stopped struggling and submitted grudgingly.

The storm consumed Zoey and in seconds she disappeared in a splash of mint blue light. John Wick made a strangled sound and turned away. A redhead default patted his back.

The storm wave was now flecked with flashes of mint blue as players 'took the L'.

In a very final attempt, the last survivors scrambled towards the opposite edge of the island. They threw themselves against the invisible barrier with no avail. By now, the storm had consumed half of spawn island. The catastrophe was closing in fast. They held their breaths and squeezed their eyes shut when suddenly lo and behold, a saving grace pierced the air. The battle bus horn! It rang loud and clear as it swooped down gracefully to the edge of the island, it's wheels just brushing the long bladed grass. As the relieved players finally mounted their flight, furious questions were hammered at the bus driver, who simply turned around and grinned.

"Sorry, cupcakes," he chuckled. "''T'was a maintenance break."


	2. What a Duel Sounds Like

_BOOM_.

Valor quickly struggled to her feet; bruised, sore and breathing heavily. Half of her wooden fort had just disintegrated against a fiery rocket that had missed her by one mat length.

It was the final circle. One player left. Just one. From the whole glitch out on spawn island that had disintegrated sixty three players all the way to this moment, she had survived. She had barely escaped with her life in an encounter in Tilted, when a final stage Calamity literally tried to shove her unicorn pickaxe up her ass. And before that, the group of T- posing defaults that had suddenly opened fire when she raised her arms for the iconic position, praying for a moment of united peace between all players. And before that- well, you get the idea.

The mini shield she had been trying to down slipped out of her shaking hand and shattered to blue dust three mats down.

"Shit... that was my last shield," she muttered, annoyed. "Tasted like actual Mountain Dew too, for once."

She took a shaky breath as she reached into her sack for bandages and hastily applied one. She peeked through a crack in the wall and gasped when she saw her final opponent.

"Dammit! John Wick! Why couldn't it have been a noob?" She shouted at the black suited man cartwheeling around with his rocket launcher. Even with her eagle eyed vision; and the overwhelming amount of not six, not ten, not fifteen, not eighteen, but _TWO_ WHOLE kills under her iron belt; she still felt overwhelmed by her last opponent. Wick was definitely better than her, perhaps better than anyone in the game. His 400,000,000 meter snipe with just a gray pistol? Impressive beyond belief! Even more impressive was that the snipe hadn't even stopped. It was 400,000,000 and counting!

Back in the fort, Valor took a deep shaky breath. "This is it," she breathed.

She grabbed her blueprint sheet and pencil out of her sack and quickly edited the wall until a door appeared. She pushed it open and began to build across to Wick.

"C'mere, you candle wick!" Valor taunted, waving her blueprint. "Lemme show you who really shines! And I'm not talking in a candle type of way!"

The Wonder Woman-esque skin had spoke too soon, for she ran straight into a damage trap Wick had placed next to the cliff's edge. The giant, cold spikes pierced her unsuspecting skin and she shouted in pain.

"Fuck! I'm at four fucking health!" She screamed as she fell back, her pain glazed eyes fixed on her stats screen on her watch. She rolled into a bush and applied bandages to her wounds, grimacing.

A flurry of popping bullets announced the arrival of Wick. He had seen her. She jumped up and quickly built an ever growing 1v1. The ominous clacking of wood getting nearer and nearer signified the arrival of her enemy. He countered her builds, surrounding her with walls.

"Come out here, little princess," Wick cooed mockingly from a few mats above. "'Candle Wick' is going to flame your ass."

Valor gritted her teeth and grabbed a stink bomb. She chucked it at Wick's direction, pleased to hear several raunchy curse words as the toxic yellow has bubble enveloped him. The stink had not escaped her, however, and she had to leap out of her fort to escape the fat, stinky bubbles, risking a few health.

"I'M COMING FOR YOU, YOU BITCH!" Wick shouted as the gas faded.

Valor's stomach clenched when she heard the reload of of a minigun and more wood building. She built a roof and a pyramid above her head and jumped back under her fort. Lying on her back, she pulled out her gold suppressed SCAR and began to pelt the ex-hitman's ramps with bullets. A blinking grenade rolled over to her and she barely chucked it away. The blast of the bomb still stripped her of even more hit points.

"Shit! Fucking shit! I'm at forty nine health!" She yelped. She groped around for a mag in her sack and quickly reloaded her AR. Aiming, she fired at Wick's fort. She built up to him like lightning and soon the two were engaged in muzzle to muzzle fighting. Valor double shotgunned Wick but missed, Wick's minigun bullets fell a few inches short of their designated person. Valor dove behind a wall and reinforced it with metal. Wick pulled out his SCAR and began to pelt the wall. Suddenly, Valor edited it for a window sized hole. Before Wick knew it, she had snuck up and headshotted him for 197 hit points. He threw two grenades into her metal fort in a hurry as he grabbed his slurp, building two ramps up and a 1v1 to protect himself.

"Ah, three health," he mumbled, chugging the blue-green liquid. Strength and shield returned to his tired body as the slurp took effect.

 _KABOOM_. _BOOM_.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Screamed Valor as the grenades exploded. "IM STILL ALIVE, HELL YEAH!"

"Your bitch ass is still alive? God damn! What in the hell!" Wick hissed. He grabbed his bolt action sniper and aimed it in her direction. Without warning, a crest blue wave encapsulated him.

"Shit! The storm!" He shouted. He grabbed his pencil and blueprint and edited a door to throw himself to the last Circle in a flurry of ramps.

By the time he got to the Circle, he was down to 23 health and 63 shield. Not to mention panting, wheezing, and eyes burning.

"Hey Wick!" Valor called. "O'er here!" She waved from where she sat on a turret platform a few tens of feet away.

"Fuck no! A goddamn turret!" The ex-hitman shouted. He built double brick ramps to block the turret's powerful blasts and leapt onto the Wonder Woman chick to end her.

He was confused when Valor suddenly flipped her wine colored hair, hopped off the turret, and ran straight into the storm.

"Crazy bitch!" He shouted. "I'm-"

 _Slock_

Wick disintegrated into crest blue light as the bullet from his 400,000,000 meter, gray pistol snipe finished it's full island ricochet and landed right back where it had been shot at the edge of Tilted. In this case, right into Wick's head.

"FUCKING TRICKSHOTS! I SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH PLAYING 2K!" Wick screamed as he was sent back to the in game lobby.

Valor crept out of the Storm and managed a prideful smile at the sky, which was emblazoned with the #1 Victory Royale banner.


	3. Defaults and (Sugar) Highs

_Instead of spawning lovely legendary items, a Presents! package spawned defaults? After this horrifying experience, our friend and fellow sugar addict Zoey sits down with us here at 9 Pump Damage Radio Station to share her story._

* * *

Omega: Gooooooood afternoon Fortnite! I'm your host Omega here on your daily serving of '9 Pump Damage'. Here today with us is a special guest named Zoey, uh... what's your last name?

Zoey: It's SugarBerryCutieKiller666_69.

Omega: Ah, yes. Sugar- sugarberry- ugh, I'm not going to attempt that. A unique last name for a unique girl. I'm happy you're here with us today, Zoey.

Zoey: I'm happy as well! I love candy.

Omega: Yes... I guess. Well, Zoey, introduce yourself!

Hoya there. My name's Zoey SugarBerryCutieKiller666_69. All of you never knew my last name until now. Most of you didn't even know I'm actually just twelve! Some of you don't even know I've gone into three sugar comas since I was born because I love to overdose on giant marshmallows. A few of you don't even know I also convinced my mom to let me dye my hair bright green after I got my first Victory Royale. But none of you know my drug addiction. Just kidding! I only get high on sugar and some occasional white substance... sorry mom! I'm kidding!"

 _*scolding ensues in background and a door is slammed*_

Zoey: Sorry guys. My mom didn't know it was a joke. She's in the talk room with me but behind the sound barrier. Go away mom!

Omega: Umm... okay! Why don't you get right to it, Zoey?

Zoey: It was a fine day in solos. *Smack smack* Perfect for sugarplum picking and roller blading. I landed Salty Springs, you see-

Omega: Do you mind eating that lollipop later?

Zoey: *smack smack* Aight, fine. I hunkered through a couple houses; pickaxing through walls, ceilings, and bodies with my cherry/green apple swirl lollipop pickaxe I named Sugarpick. I popped a chest on the attic of my third house and lo and behold- um, want some butterscotch?

Omega: Err, sure.

Zoey: They're my favorites!

Omega: So what happened when you popped the chest?

Zoey: Mfmghmdmmfm! Sorry. That butterscotch was too good to resist! Anyway, I found a gallant Presents! package inside. I chucked it out the window and began to hack it open. And when I cleaved through the red wrapping papered wall in anticipation of a suppressed gold SCAR or a Chug- I nearly * **BEEP*** ed myself!

Omega: Watch your profanity, I'm going to have to censor that!

Zoey: Sorry, heh heh. My mom encourages my sugarmouth. MOM, I SAID _GO AWAY_!

Omega: So what did you find?

Zoey: Defaults! Five of them! They spilt out and began to charge at me with their swinging pickaxes. Thankfully they didn't know how to build ramps but _zaaaaaammmmmm_ I was terrified. I screamed to the high candyland!

Omega: Oh my goodness. That sounds horrific!

Zoey: And it wasn't only me. Around the whole map, angry defaults sprang from each Presents! to torment all players! All around me I could hear the clacking of default pickaxes and the surprised screams of skinned players.

Omega: What. An. Adventure. We'll be right back, guys and girls, after this commercial break.

* * *

 **News Break: BREAKING NEWS! Sun Strider begins a scandalous relationship with Sun Tan Specialist after recent split from Drift! Jonesy and Karen fight over who's going to keep the llamas after their messy divorce! Raptor dies in Tilted after being rammed over by a shopping cart!**

* * *

Zoey: Mfffmmfmgmmgmmfmm!

Omega: How much ***BEEP*** ing candy do you have there?

Producer: Cut, cut! Omega! No potty mouth.

Omega: Oh me my! I didn't realize we were back on air.

Zoey: To answer your question; I have gummy llamas, slurp gummies, chocolate ATKs, chug jug mini sodas- just two cans, gingerbread man backbling imitations, supply drop flavored cotton candy, and edible Teknique spray paint! That's just half my backpack.

Omega: Wow, that's-

Producer: Hold it! I could use some candy right now.

Zoey: Sure! Here's an ATK.

Producer: Blech! Tastes like coffee grounds.

Zoey: Thank you! Coffee grounds are delicious, aren't they?

Omega: Back to the story. Did anything else happen?

Zoey: Well, once I realized Presents! were spawning defaults and not weapons, I started leaving them for other players and watched as they died a horrific death! I'm just glad they didn't spawn flocks of Calamitys! Man, those girls are smart.

Omega: How did the battle end?

Zoey: I was placed fourth, but it was a fair battle. The defaults were easy to rid of.

Omega: Good.

Zoey: Can I go back to munching my gummies now?

Omega: Hold on. What's that in your backpack? That plastic bag full of some white powder. That's not candy!

Zoey: It's s-sugar!

Omega: You're turning red as a candy apple. Let me see.

Zoey: Hey!

Omega: Cocaine! I'm letting your mom know.

Zoey: SCREEEEEEEEE!

Producer: Zoey, lay off poor Omega! Stop punching him!

Zoey: **SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!**

Producer: Okay! That's it for today's episode of 9 Pump Damage. Zoey, ***BEEP*** off!

Omega: Watch- oww! Your- oww! Mouth- _owwwwwww_!

 _*banging ensues from door*_

Zoey's mother: ZOEY SUGARBERRYCUTIEKILLER666_69! YOU COME HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!

 _[9 Pump Damage Radio Station has gone off air]_

* * *

 **I don't really know what this is! It really has no relevancy to the first and second chapter, it just came to me one day and it spilled from my mind to the screen like water. Let me know if you guys want more interviews like this and please review.**


End file.
